Monday, March 03, 2008

ah wells. alittle annoyed cus the post i was typing accidentally got deleted while i was trying to check the everton pompey score.

yar. as i was saying. my long awaited update. yesterday was retarded. its either HMV or inflation. i cant believe i paid so much for it. but all for a good cause la.

its actually quite interesting that i m kinda in emotional turmoil right now. but funny i m like able to type this post in with an extremely calm disposition. i feel much better today. i mean like i really wanna thank God, not that i m that holy joe i used to be even thou i wish i was sometimes. i wanna thank him for the peace i am feeling now. that in the midst of all my problems, tears were pouring and are about to pour and roll down my cheeks, such is my sadness today. but i m not gonna lose control. feelings i cant stop. but sanity is within my control. decisions are mine to make. and i guess i have God to thank for it. cus many of us know this fact but few of us live it out.

and its like today i couldnt feel his presence much. i mean like especially the songs werent my favourite today. but after communion. after i let go of the nonsense that i had been doing and saying i would try my best to belt it out of my life, everything started to flow. and i could feel him. and at least the one of my left was singing. its quite a positive sign in my opinion. i mean thats how i started and considering how i m quite an open person. i hope he somehow treads down the same path and gets saved. heh. i mean its a concern and wish of mine cus he is a teen in the making, young, impressionable, and with loads of time on his hands. and i dont look down on kids in the normal technical. but from wad he tells me, he doesnt have the most decent company. and i just dont want him to be led astray. i want to help him find purpose and direction in life. i pray that he ll turn out good. at least i sowed the seed.

and i m quite sad that i m gonaa miss pastor phil's svcs actually. cus i like the ccc band. i think they are an anointed bunch and i love their praise and worship. i just wish we would sing 'here we go' and 'for all you are' in service. and i m quite happy i communicated with my mom today. at least she has an idea now that i m attached. and i managed to make her understand more about my character and how i think. even thou i must admit she is alittle stubborn and childish for a 50 year old. and skeptical too. i w0uld say shes pretty accurate. but there are times that she overestimates her understanding of me that makes her assume which is not so good la.

i must admit i m not the best in communication. i need to learn. today i remember explaining wad male by birth, men by choice meant to my cousin. and i realised, not just him but i still have a long way to go. but still i wanna thank God for helping me put some stuff into perspective. i realised i m at my eloquent best when i m anointed by the holy spirit. and i think i ll go now. heh. till my next update. ONE TWO THREE YES! haha!

|cowpoo| 1:00 AM|

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